I am well-read. In Menus.

Going for a drink with a friend recently to a local bar/restaurant, I was perusing a rather interesting menu. I'm not going to lie, menu reading (regardless of purchase) is one of my favorite self-amusements. People often throw around this term 'well read'. "Are you well read?" they ask. And I answer "Yes, I am well read. In Menus." 

There's just something about reading a menu that gets you straight to the core of what that restaurant is all about. It's an opportunity for them to show a bit of personality, not just in the dishes they serve. The presentation of the menu should mimic the dining experience. 

Modern bistronomoque translates to high quality thick card, with a matt finish, bold black print on a white background. The wording of the dish descriptions in a modern restaurant is normally always a little creative, trendy and a little try-hard. My favorite example of this is what one restaurant referred to as 'Tempura codfish, chips and Manchester Caviar', which was in fact Fish, chips and mushy peas.

Handwritten menus can be a greasy breakfast cafe or a cool, hip place that cares more about its food than its printed menus (which one depends entirely on the style of the penmanship). Really upper class fancy joints tend to leave off the currency signs from their prices, assuming that their punters know enough about money to presume that they would pay £9 for a foie gras starter and not 9 of any old random currency. 

Yes, a menu really is the key to understanding what you're dealing with when you sit down at that table. It's a chance to impress and of course it's the main way of getting a punter to order a dish. I love the sound of "Pan Fried Sea Bass with Fennel and Potato Dauphinois & Honey and Soy dressing", but i'd be less inclined to order it if I saw it scribbled on a post-it note. 

Menu speak is something we're all familiar with, but often overlook how annoying it is. When a restaurant advertises a £16.00 steak as part of its main courses, but requests a £2.00 supplement on that dish, I wonder if they could not have factored that into the original price. I often wonder if I could request a steak without a supplement, perhaps they could cook it a bit less and save on some gas. 

Please notify staff if you have any nut/other allergies is another favorite of mine. "Excuse me waiter, I have a nut allergy." "Very good sir, i'll just go and remove the nuts from our satay chicken and pecan pie."

A little bit of humour goes a long way in a Menu, and helps ease the process of reading and selecting, which is particularly important for those of us that are 'well-read' and read often. Even though I was only there for the bar part of the bar/restaurant, I couldn't help but have a glance, and this was certainly a restaurant which mixed comedy with food. It's policy on vegetarians was particularly liberal: "We have a great selection of vegetarian dishes. They go very well with our steaks." 

The thought made me chuckle. A menu should be entertaining, unique and not just conform to standard expectations. It mattered not that the disclaimer could be taken as offensive from some the perspective of some vegetarians. I could hardly imagine that vegetarians picketed outside the restaurants, boycotting the Fruit Fascist restaurant. In my own carnivorous opinion, the words perched beautifully on the fence between confrontational and self-deprecating. It told me that this restaurant didn't take itself or its food too seriously. It hoped that the food was good, and the customers would like it, but it was prepared to laugh about it all. All of this I had gathered from just one line on a menu. And there was no £2.00 supplement on the steak. 

To Do: Read more menus.