Funny story of today.

This is frickin' hilarious.

Obama and me.

I never really blogged on the US Election around the time of the 4th November. Part of the reason for this is that I was driving along in my car during the day of the election, I looked overhead to see a flock of white birds had just taken flight above me. That's nice, I thought. Freedom, liberation, purity - perhaps today will be a good day for America and the world.

As that though was passing through my mind, a huge load of bird shit landed on my windscreen, like heavy bird shit rain. White globules of "ha ha we're birds and we can shit on your car if we want to". Appropriately, I shouted "oh shit!". Then I turned on the wind-screen wipers by accident, smearing the mess all over. Then I tried to turn on the windscreen wash button, only to dilute their pasty white crap and give my windscreen a white hue as if I had smoked it out.

It occurred to me that on this momentous day in world history, when something great was happening in America, a flock of birds had decided to shit on my day, and my car.

Luckily for the world (but not for me), this was not a case of 'same shit, different day'. Obama romped to a historic victory. Did he change the world that day? Yes, I think he did. Did he change America? Time will tell.

But, let us not let thoughts of the future shit on his parade. He achieved a great and wonderful thing that day, and his honorable campaigners (and of course their generous financial backers - no shit) should receive all the plaudits.

John McCain's campaign however, well that was just a crock of shit, wasn't it? Every time I saw a clip of him on the road, Mississippi, Ohio, Florida, he was just shootin' the shit, totally directionless, without policies that affected any real change in the Obama sense of the word. Shit, he didn't stand a chance.

Well, i'm glad Americans stood their ground and went with the right man. It's a very exciting political time right now, and it can only be a good thing that millions of first-time voters are entering a political climate which engages their interest like no other before it.

Obama comes into effect 20th January.

 Something is going to hit the fan.

Let's hope my car stays in tact.

Quantum of Solace - film review

The "To Do" list is packed out at the moment, and there never seems to be enough time to do it all, or anywhere near all of it. 

Regardless of this, I took the time out to go and see the latest installment in the Bond franchise at the weekend. After the success of its predecessor had caused a Bond revolution, a major refurbishment of all that was old and tacky into all that is modern and tonic, there was quite a bit of hype surrounding its release. 

In the midst of a world recession, it is both comforting and disturbing to see that the only two things that can swing the headlines away from the credit crunch are James Bond and the X-Factor. Perhaps there is a role yet for Cheryl Cole as the next Bond crumpet?

 Or perhaps we can run a competition to find the next bond (the "OO-Factor"), in which contestants have to show they can tackle warlords and tie a bow tie? 

The thought is not as ridiculous as the latest Bond film itself, which would most definitely fail to impress Simon Cowell. The plot circles around the globe like a moth buzzing around a light, with no aim or purpose, only serving to tire itself out completely. We go from Siena (Italy), to Haiti, over to Bregenz (Austria), to London, to La Paz (Bolivia), finally settling in a remote part of the Bolivian desert. All of this without a moment's rest, not even to have a quick peek to see if Bond picks anything up at duty free. 

In my memory, a Bond film has never been so impatient. These films work in "bumps", short bursts of action, equally spaced apart to maintain inertia whilst giving the audience time to breathe. We never get this opportunity to breathe in Quantum, the action ties us down and wont let go. 

All the classic elements have been sold off in a Bond scrapyard sale. Q the gadget man has been deemed too old to be in the new films. The flirtations of girl-next-door Moneypenny have also undergone the chop. Most upsetting is the decision to absent the most famous movie song of all time, the Bond theme song. Normally played over an action scene (i.e. Pierce Brosnan devastating Moscow in an army tank - see it here: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WtnVPzMHdMg), in Quantum the song is wasted over the end credits. 

A word on Daniel Craig also: rage. That is the best word to describe his performance. He never lets up for a moment, even when he sits down to drink a glass of water, his veins seem to be popping with the sheer anger that he feels toward the world. Bond was never this angry, but if we are led to believe that this performance marks a sea change in our perception of Bond, then perhaps we have to accept the transformation. 

However, if this is really the case, then perhaps the producers can appease us by leaving in some of the old trademarks that we so love and enjoy. Such a radical overhaul of a british cultural institution like Bond will doubtless have its critics. We can't just go and put a yellow hat on Big Ben because Damien Hirst tells us it looks good, and nor can we go and make Bond so angry. 

Just like the BBC's recent debate between the neo-Brand-ites and the conservative Songs of Praise watchers, a film like Bond will always have its traditionalists and its modernisers. The debate between the two will rage furiously. And that is not a bad thing. What the last two films have done is open up a level of discussion, in the pubs and cinemas, about what Bond should be. That type of discourse is healthy and fantastic for the future of the cinema. 

This is by no means a bad film, and I encourage you to make the effort and go to see it. If they can afford to spend $200 million in making the film, your ticket price of £7 seems excellent value for money. There are some fantastic scenes, and as an action film, it is better than the rest. As a Bond film, it may leave you slightly perplexed. 

They predict that the number of cinema visitors will be the highest it's been since 1969. The Quantum of Solace has a lot to do with that, but we must remember that Bond can never be all things for all people. 

Quantum of Solace: 

Action: 8

Acting: 6

Eye Candy: 8

Overall: 7 

To Do: Try to be smooth like Connery, not angry like Craig.